You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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