So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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