Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
