One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
