i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
