Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
