Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
