Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
