i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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