there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Randomize
