This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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