I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
