Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
ugly people sure do ruin things
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
