she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
