Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
