I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
