you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
