playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
