found the other keg... it's in the tree
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
