don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
