Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
