these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
