what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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