i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
