True but thats because hes a fetus.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
