Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
