if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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