just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
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I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
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That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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