Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
