Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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