we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I need to calm my uterus...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
