I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize