I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
