I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
