He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
