she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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