I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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