She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
