Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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