my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
