How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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