So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
