Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
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