How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
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