it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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