I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
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look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
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My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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