this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
