Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
