I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Green mimosas i think yes
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
