I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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