just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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