I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
