i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
