If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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