I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
