I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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