It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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