I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
