Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
