that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
