So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
