he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
