I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
