dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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