I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My vagina is very pro this idea
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