life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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