At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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