I got chris browned last night
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
where am i from again
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
