Screwed.edu
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
