Having a random hookup so left but love u
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
