remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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